Happy Thanksgiving! I hope you have all had some good time with family. We enjoyed an evening meal together on Thursday and everyone contributed to the food. No turkey, but we had some good chicken. And it’s the side dishes and pumpkin pie that make the meal anyway, right?
The kids seem to be doing very well. It has been such a joy to watch Nathan learning how to read. Becca has been going through a reading book with him and he really is getting it. He is sounding out words and reading small, two-sentence stories. Each story has an associated picture and Nathan gets so excited to read the lines and then see the picture.
This is yet another difficult prayer letter to write. So many things have happened this week that I struggle to know how to share it. I started by just describing the week, but at the rate I was going it was going to take six or seven pages to get it all in. Surgically it has been very difficult. Nearly every day has involved difficult cases, most of which I’ve either never seen before or at least never done before. It is hard to describe the weight of this and how it compounds all of the other stresses. It is also hard to describe how little comfort knowledge is. I know that God has called us to a task too big for our abilities and that we must trust in him. I know that He is sufficient and continues to prove Himself sufficient. I know that I need to rest in His refuge. I know that all I can do is my best. And on and on and on. But when it comes down to it, I still lose sleep over anxiety, I’m still the one making all of the clinical decisions and bearing the consequences, I’m still the one cutting people open, I’m still the one watching people die, I still feel the weight of a training program, I’m still looking down the barrels of several guns that might kill it, etc.
When I got married I often heard the advice that women don’t always want advice. Sometimes when they share their challenges, they just want you to listen and not pipe in with a fix. I’m kind of going “woman” on this prayer letter. I deeply appreciate your prayers, but would gently ask that you don’t send advice about this. Frankly, I’ve probably heard it before and wrestled with it already. It isn’t a knowledge issue and I don’t think it is an obedience issue. I don’t know what it is beyond that I need to sit here and wait for God. I am seeking Him daily and earnestly begging Him for wisdom and joy and peace and trust. But, for now, this seems to be where He wants me.
We held our strategic planning time for the hospital last weekend and your prayers were very much appreciated. God blessed us during the time and we really made some progress. We were able to make some important decisions and we were able to wrestle through some issues. There is still quite a bit more to do, but I think we made significant headway. And there was a sense of unity and peace about the time. I am very thankful for that. It was a long weekend, though. We met on Saturday from nine in the morning to nearly five in the afternoon. And then we meet for a few hours on Sunday as well.
Please pray for our patients. I have several big operations today, including another chest surgery where I have to peel the inflammatory rind of a young woman with a completely collapsed lung from pus-filled chest. She is rightly afraid of surgery given how weak she is and her poor nourishment. We are also concerned about additional heart problems, but don’t have much in the way of either diagnostics or treatment. From her ECG, I think she has had a heart attack already. And I will probably only have two units of blood available. On Tuesday, if the guy shows up for surgery, I will tackle a kidney operation I’ve never done/seen before that will involve clamping the blood flow in and out of it, packing it with ice, and splitting it down the spine to remove a bunch of huge stones.
The PAACS apartment building is coming along. The building should be done by the first week of January at the latest. We are excited to get our residents and their families here on the compound with us.
I swear this place feels like a television show, there is so much going on every day, if I really explained it all you would have to read 20 pages every week. I long for some simplicity and pray that God would lead us into it even in the midst of these storms. I rejoice that Jesus was able to sleep in the boat during the storm. Just as his righteousness is imparted to me through faith, I rejoice that his peace and faith in the midst of chaos is also imparted to me through the cross. I pray that I would live more consistently in light of that reality.
Love,
Paul for the gang
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November 26, 2012 at 2:56 pm
Amy Hinrichs
I can hear Nathan now: “The ram is hot.” Next story: “The ram is sad.” Watching your child learn to read truly is exciting because it explodes the size of their world. I remember when our oldest learned to read (using that same book), one of her first questions was, “Why does everything say ‘Made in China?'” She’s now a 20-year-old Physics major at the University of Florida who loves to read, so the book works!
No advice here, like I’d know what to say anyway. But do know that we pray for you. Any glimpse into your life and burdens helps us pray in a more intimate way, though, so thanks for sharing. You are not forgotten, and it is our privilege to pray for you – it makes me feel like a surgeon, in a way.
I went to the Global Missions Health Conference just a few weekends ago – loved it! As I was coming down the stairs at that big church in Louisville, I recognized David Hardin sitting at a table in the cafe. I introduced myself and got to have a nice long visit with him, his brother, and a Navy pilot friend of theirs. He is so eager to get to Soddo and share your burden. I loved that about his attitude. God is assembling an awesome team at SCH. It must feel like an eternity waiting for them to get on the ground, though.
There was a big platter of turkey at our Thanksgiving dinner, and I went right past it because you are right – it’s all about the sides. We give thanks for you!
Amy, on behalf of the Hinrichs Family
November 26, 2012 at 4:21 pm
arpology
Paul,
No advice; just encouragement. Whenever I speak to students and I get a chance to share with them a story about someone being completely sold out to Christ yours is the journey that comes to mind. You are doing an amazing work there in Ethiopia, but also here in the States as your journey continues to be one that I can use to challenge students and families alike to chase after God’s heart. I pray for you and your family as often as you come to my mind. We love you guys.
Grace and Peace
Andrew (and all the Arps along side)
November 26, 2012 at 6:46 pm
Becky Martin
Praying. Just praying. Our tiny, tiny taste of Soddo gives us a very tender heart for all of you– Paul as surgeon, Becca as mom, Lydia and Nathan as children. I can only say how immensely proud our Father must be of all of you for the way that you walk by faith not by sight, persevere beyond your own limits, and look for Him in every circumstance. The example that you all set by your obedience blesses and instructs so many of us! Humbly and continually praying for God to do more than you could ever ask or imagine… Becky, Jim, Stan, Maddie & Kyle
November 26, 2012 at 7:17 pm
Bjarte Tidemann Andersen
Ayso! Wendeme
November 26, 2012 at 7:38 pm
Paul and Becca Gray
Thanks for all of your sweet comments! It means a lot!
November 26, 2012 at 8:03 pm
Anonymous
Rough dude and I relate. How hard it must be to have the courage to do a scary case with no backup.
Thanks for sharing the reality of a surgeon’s life. Every honest surgeon feels this way. May God give you the strength and courage to act when you should, and to not act when you shouldn’t.
November 28, 2012 at 8:42 pm
Paul and Becca Gray
Thanks so much for your comment and encouragement! The comment only says anonymous, would you mind letting us know who you are? You can email us too, if you want. paulandbecca@gmail.com
November 27, 2012 at 3:31 am
Anonymous
I love you all and pray for ya daily! Thanks for all the info so I can better direct my prayers. love cousin Debby
November 27, 2012 at 4:03 am
Anonymous
I hope it is ok that I share this with you..(if not, my greatest apologies in advance! as I could never understand all that you are facing! I felt burdened to share this though, but please know that I could never emotionally bear what you have carry in the work that you do daily – so huge props.)
My heart was heavy as I read about the concerns you are carrying & it is clear through your words how deeply you care for the people you are operating on this week. After all that you see there, day in & day out, that alone is really beautiful. Becca probably reminds you of this frequently. (*Unfortunately, not all surgeons that I’ve met/worked with, have been able to maintain that gift of tender compassion for the people they are operating on, at least not as strongly. I’m sure some of that is a coping mechanism to avoid the burden of the pain and heavy responsibility they bear.)
With that Gift of deep care that He’s given you – that may feel partially a burden this week especially.. I am praying for PEACE that transcends all understanding.. and that will GUARD your heart & mind [from the anxiety] Phil 4:7. (As it surely would transcend mine if I were in your shoes! Rough stuff!) I guess if the enemy can’t stop you, he can try to shake you..but the good thing is we can pray against that too. I will. The other good thing is that it appears you are also doing verse “6” already too, which I read as a qualifier for verse 7, “but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God” (& you are also presenting them to us to get to pray w/ you guys). Paul, you already ARE trusting, knowing His grace is sufficient, doing your best, obtaining the knowledge needed, etc. and you are wanting to live more consistently in the reality of His peace & faith amidst chaos — which is the beginning of verse 6 “do not worry”. (Though it is a command, it is easier said than done and since this is MY struggle too, know that I share from humble weakness in this area of guarding my mind, when I have done all else).. I guess someone ‘downstairs’..knows it can be my weakness/struggle. Once my primary (MD) even wrote this Philippians reference on a prescription pad for me! 😉 (It was nice that she was a Christian too, but to me it was like God was saying through her, “You are doing everything right, let’s just tweak your thoughts a bit since the anxiety is not coming from above and I have an idea that may help you walk through this a bit less worrisome.”)
So as I am just hoping to “pay it forward” now to someone who clearly has deep concern for the people’s lives you’ve been entrusted with, as you seek to help and be the healing hands and feet of Christ – I encourage you to work hard at literally guarding your heart/mind from the anxious thoughts that we know God is not sending your way. (*I’m sure you guys already have the following two verses memorized [8 and 9] that give the “How-to”, on what to do to replace anxious thoughts with instead — so I promise this is not advice, just a reminder to pull this ammunition out for the week ahead!) Maybe Becca can put it up on the bathroom mirror or something since it is your only offensive weapon here in this spiritual battle of the mind.
That all being said, I am — in faith, expecting — that verse 7 will be your reality, just as it is written and that His peace that transcends our understanding and yours, will guard your heart and mind. Thank you for all you are doing there, and for sharing your hearts with us, since we have been given authority in Christ together — “if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven.” -Matt 18:19.
Keep us posted! And GODSPEED to you both.. 🙂
November 28, 2012 at 8:38 pm
Paul and Becca Gray
Thanks so much for your encouragement and prayers! It is only marked as anonymous, would you mind letting us know who you are? You can email us too, if you want. paulandbecca@gmail.com And we will keep you posted!
November 28, 2012 at 10:27 pm
Lauren
Oops! Sorry about that, just noticed you guys had asked for that above too & didn’t realize. The l-o-n-g one is from Lauren Halliburton — Becca’s ‘dietetic intern, staff relief’ who got to cover her (and loved it) 🙂 when you guys took your first trip to Africa together, I think? *I had this Monday off, with time to ponder what it’d feel like to be in your shoes as I read the post from you guys that morning…the perspective it brings is so refreshing (and needed) – thank you. Standing in prayer with you both. Keep SHARING!
November 27, 2012 at 6:17 am
Jennifer Barnett
no advice – just prayers and love your way.
November 28, 2012 at 1:14 pm
Paul and Becca Gray
Jen, Thanks so much! Praying for you guys too and your new baby girl. She looks so precious. Hope all is going well!
November 27, 2012 at 6:40 pm
Sharon
Praying for you guys in the week ahead.
November 28, 2012 at 1:13 pm
Paul and Becca Gray
Thanks Sharon!
November 27, 2012 at 7:40 pm
Anonymous
Paul and family. Our family will be fasting this Sunday for you and those you are caring for. We hope you will feel the Lord’s strength and guidance and peace as you continue in His service.
November 28, 2012 at 1:10 pm
Paul and Becca Gray
Wow! thanks so much for your reply. It just says anonymous, can you let us know who wrote this? We would love to give you a few more specific things to pray for! Thanks for your encouragement and prayers.
November 28, 2012 at 8:30 pm
Anonymous
Will and Lusche Groberg. And yes, we’d be happy to pray and fast with specifics in mind.